Four Key Lessons I’ve Learned about Finding Stillness in Prayer

At the beginning of our Workbook of Living Prayer class, I poll people on what they struggle with in prayer. Staying focused is always the biggest challenge –  not surprising. Technology has whittled our attention span down to less than a goldfish’s. That’s not a metaphor. A scientific study has shown that humans have an attention span of about 8.5 seconds. A goldfish manages 9 seconds. We have conditioned ourselves to be constantly interruptible and praise multitasking, further dividing our attention. Is it any wonder that when we try to be quietly alone with God, our minds buck like a wild stallion fighting a saddle?

My Lenten Discipline

For Lent, I committed to pursuing a quiet mind and writing from a centered place. I wanted something challenging. I opted for praying and writing at 5:30 a.m. every morning – a routine way outside my norm. My practice is simple but disciplined — thirty minutes of silent prayer followed by thirty minutes of writing.  

I struggled at first. My brain didn’t stop bucking against the saddle of the clock until day ten. That’s when I finally stopped repeatedly wondering how much time I had left.  

My Approach – Flexible Centering Prayer

I’m practicing a loose version of centering prayer. In this method, you choose a sacred word that holds meaning in your relationship with God. Whenever your attention wanders, you gently return to this word. I don’t rigidly follow the model, though it is extremely rich to do so. 

While my centering word serves as an anchor, I also allow myself to embrace moments of spontaneous praise or gratitude that might pop up. For example, if a good friend comes to mind I might pray for them for a few minutes. When I feel done praying for them, I won’t start trying to think of other people to prayer for, instead I return to my centering word. 

For Key Lessons

1. Routine Activates Attention

Consistency is crucial. Each morning, I follow the same ritual:

•  Wake up and dress
• Light a candle, saying, “I light this candle as a sign of your presence with me”
• State an intention to renounce evil and ask for God’s protection
• Settle into my easy chair to pray

This opening ritual draws a boundary. It sends my mind a signal to shift my attention. It’s a bit like flashing the lights in a theater to let everybody know it’s time to get quite and pay attention. Focusing is harder when my  routine gets disrupted. For example, one morning my wife, Susan, got up before me and was already in my prayer space. I skipped lighting my candle and prayed somewhere else. Getting centered took much longer.  

That said, the more I practice quieting my mind in one place, the more adaptable I am becoming. For example, during a weekend trip, I discovered that simply imagining my candle-lighting ritual and usual words instantly centers my attention.

2. A Prayer Method Anchors the Mind

Having a go-to response for wandering thoughts is essential. My centering word works well, but other models can work equally as well.  The ACTS prayer model (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication) is another great framework to keep you focused – much like a grocery list keeps you from aimlessly wandering in a store.

If you would like to learn more prayer methods, download a fee copy of my book Tips On Prayer, A Quickstart Guide to Improving Your Prayer Life. 

3. Physical Stillness Matters

I tried to remain motionless for my thirty-minute prayer time. Even slight physical distractions—scratching an itch or repositioning myself—would stir up thoughts, like silt from the bottom of a pond. With practice, your ability to notice a distraction and release its grip on your attention will improve. 

4. Rest Supports Presence

Focus requires energy. Poor sleep inevitably equated to difficulty staying present. I’m grateful to practice in the morning, allowing prayer to frame my day, rather than letting my day’s chaos define my prayer. If you happen to fall asleep in prayer, don’t beat yourself up. This is a common problem, particularly if you pray when you go to bed. One simple solution is  to sit up while you pray in bed. 

Application

Do you have a daily discipline of prayer or just a tendency to pray when you need It?  I definitely used to be a “when I need it” guy and can fall in that hole quickly. I have discovered though that a daily discipline always transforms my relationship with God. I will share more about that in my post about benefits. In the meantime, here are a few quick suggestions.

First, if you don’t have a daily discipline, experiment with having one. Start small so your goal is readily achievable -may be a ten or fifteen minute practice.  Learn from my experience and at a minimum:

• • Have a structure
  • Choose a set time and place
  • Have a back up plan, something simple. “If I miss my plan I will…”
  • Don’t go into it open endeded. Decide a time frame – two weeks, ten days, a month, etc. 
  • Stick to your intention for the whole time frame unless you absolutely made and error of judgment on what you thought would work. A lot of the learning is in the consistency. 
  • When you miss, always reflect on why. Make a decision about how you can prevent that from happening. again. 

Second, if you have a daily prayer practice, take a step to strengthen it. For example, you could implement one of the lessons I have learned. Or, you might want to adapt your practice briefly to freshen up your time with God. Switching the method of prayer you use can make a huge difference. One year for Lent I instituted a block of prayer in which I could only praise God. This transformed my sense of intimacy with God and my appreciation of God. 

In Conclusion

I’m curious what the next twenty days will reveal–not just in lessons, but in personal transformation. I’m already noticeably calmer and feel more connected ot God. In my next article, I’ll share the specific benefits and changes I’ve experienced during these 40 days of intentional prayer when I finish. 

Until then, I would love to hear what your favorite prayer practice is or something your trying out. Post in the comments please.

Blessings, 

Rev. John Arnold

PS: If you are practicing a spiritual discipline for Lent, I encourage you to pause and reflect on lessons and benefits as well. Half the learning is in the doing. The other half is in recognizing what you have learned and how you will leverage it.